Ketamine Experience Part 4 of 5

TV, is it the reflector or the director, does it imitate us or do we imitate it
Because a child watches 1500 murders before he's 12 years old
And we wonder why we've created a Jason generation
That learns to laugh rather than to abhor the horror
TV is the place where armchair generals and quarterbacks
Can experience first hand
The excitement of video warfare as the theme song is sung in the background
Sugar sweet sitcoms that leave us with a bad actor taste
While pop stars metamorphosize into soda pop stars
You saw the video, you heard the soundtrack, well now go buy the soft drink
Well the only cola that I support
Would be a Union C.O.L.A., cost of living allowance
On television, the drug of the nation
Breedin' ignorance and feedin' radiation
On television, the drug of the nation
Breedin' ignorance and feedin' radiation

-- The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

In Part 3 I continued my "report" to my patient advocate. It continues after being prepared for my first slow-and-steady dose of ketamine...

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The Ketamine pump was started for my infusion. The infusion was pleasant and after an hour or so of observation someone brought me some juice, the first food/drink I had had since midnight. I was also offered a blanket which I accepted and wrapped over my shoulders and around my bare arms since I suspected it would still be cold down in the inpatient area. Hard to say when but I was escorted in a wheelchair down to eat my lunch at a table by myself near the TV. I transferred myself from wheelchair to table as my nurse heated my main plate up then I made the meal last for an hour. A Criminal Minds marathon was on the TV and remained on for hours. Note the TV remained on through every meal I witnessed even though my nurse said the rules were the TV had to be off during meals. During this time I saw multiple patients (not visitors, I kept tabs on every one there and could determine who the visitors were when they left) texting on phones and tablets while the nurses/techs seemed oblivious. Also there was one patient who was allowed to keep her shoelaces – I know she was not discharged Monday night because she came and talked to me at breakfast the next morning, wearing her laced shoes each time I saw her. The message received from all this: we have rules, no you can’t have a copy of them, ask if you want to do something, we will threaten you with rule enforcement sometimes, and we are just here until shift change – cue me sounding like a broken record: not confidence-inspiring.

There was a new patient admitted that afternoon and she and what I presume were her daughter were given a tour of the inpatient area and introduced to just about everyone that was not in their rooms. The area is not big but I learned a lot about it from eavesdropping on the tour. I learned that there was a water and ice machine that I could use if I wanted something to drink (I was pretty dehydrated at this point – I guess I had part of a liter of normal saline via IV, the few ounces of juice upstairs, and the few ounces of juice from my lunch – truth was I was terrified of using the bathroom while my roommate was around so I was glad I was dehydrated and avoided our toilet, and I don’t think there were other bathrooms available). Curious that I did not get a tour/introduced, I asked Male Doctor 2 if I could get a tour to which he responded there was not much to see. The only other thing I could think of is I did not look much like any of the day staff and so maybe no one could relate to me – an impression that was reinforced throughout the day in many ways. I understand the innate desire to help those who appear like oneself but healthcare professionals should be well-trained to treat everyone equally.

For another hour I tried to make eye contact with any nurse/tech that came near me but my gaze was avoided (I didn’t feel singled out in this case – I think all patients unless they were currently part of the tour were avoided the rest of the afternoon except when vitals were needed). Granted, the nurses/techs were probably on the internet looking for weather/traffic information. Eventually my nurse came out from the station and I asked her what I should do with my lunch tray – she mumbled something I could not understand as she walked away. I saw nowhere to put my tray and it remained in front of me, with the smell of the beet and pickled-onion salad making me nauseous. I pushed my tray away from me as far as I could but the tray remained on the table until dinner. Nothing was explained to me about meals although I guess Male Doctor 2 asked if I was on a special diet (I wasn’t), so a computer or something picked all the items for my food tray. Even if I was there too short a time to be able to pick from a menu like other patients seemed able to do, it would have been nice if that were explained to me – I was left to feel less important than other patients which would not have been so bad if it were an isolated incident.

My roommate sat and chatted with me a bit. I asked how many group sessions happened during the morning/day and he said just the one. As it turned out, that was the only one of the day. So my hopes of being able to process some of the roller coaster of emotions from the day were dashed. Dinner was served and I ate everything but the cheesecake dessert which I offered to my roommate. I noticed that the rooms had the names of the occupants in each room written on cards next to each door – my name was not added to the card with my roommate’s name like other double-occupancy rooms had.

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Continued in Part 5 which should be posted, blog software willing, in 3 days.